"No more blocks for me, Mom." My 12 year old son places the blocks in the give away pile.
"Really? Are you sure? Didn't you just use them this past winter?"
"Yeah, but I'm done. I don't need them anymore."
"What do you mean you don't need them anymore? You love blocks. Didn't you and BJ just build that cool marble track with them the other day?"
Slight pause, "Mom." Small laugh from my son as he says, "Keeping the blocks isn't going to stop from happening what you don't want to happen."
Like a deer caught in headlights on a dark night, I realized that I'd been caught. Not so much caught as awakened to what was really going on.
I didn't want my children to grow up. I wanted to keep the days of candy land, picture books, and blocks to last forever. I wanted my children to live with me forever and always snuggle on my lap.
Even though the days of past are only alive in my heart, I find my physical self yearning for them, and my 12 year old knew this. Not only that, he had the insight to tell me.
My "baby" opened my eyes to what I thought I had come to terms with. I thought I was more evolved than this and could love without attachment.
But here I am. A mother of two young men. I am torn between wanting them to grow into happy contributing adults and wanting them to stay with me. To stay young and keep childhood alive in our home. To feel the softness of a newborn, the laughter of a toddler, and knowing I am needed every single day.
I remind myself, that life, like Yoga, is a journey. It takes practice to "get it right" and acceptance of where we are today. In order to change, we must be aware of where we are and where we'd like to be.
I know where I am. The journey continues so that one day, I can let these two beautiful people live their own lives and follow their own paths.
Wow, motherhood might give the biggest lessons of all.